yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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