Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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