a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
