walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
