So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
