i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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