Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
