My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize