Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
