I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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