We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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