sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I donβt know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize