i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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