haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
