i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
