Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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