You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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