you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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