Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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