dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
