Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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