no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
