i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
