if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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