I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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