he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize