He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
