R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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