are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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