My Higher Power is John Stamos
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
