ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
