I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We just shotgunned beers for America
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
