Soap is not a condiment
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
