Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
