is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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