Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
