Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
