My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
