Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
