ya dads aren't the best wingmen
look no pants
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
