I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How does it feel to date your dad?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
