separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
