So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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