Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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