You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
