It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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