I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
