So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
