I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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