PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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