Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
