In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
