Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
