I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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