We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
