I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
