I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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