We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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