Can Purell be used as lube?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize