Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They took my balls.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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