i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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