I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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