Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
