I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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