so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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