you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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