dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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