So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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