He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
