So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
