Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
MIDGETS
????
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
