So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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