we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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